Landing

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For about a decade, I’ve struggled with an inability to focus on things I’m not interested in, and an inability to remember things associated with that subject. Ask anyone at Liquid Web, or Mike Neir, about how many stupid computer-related questions I have asked over and over again. The information does not stick, and sometimes, it doesn’t even make sense to me.

For subjects that do interest me, I usually have very high retention. It’s just the uninteresting stuff that slides off my brain. I use the phrase “slides off” because that’s exactly what it feels like – the information does not penetrate the tissue. I hear it come in, and I immediately feel it sliding away.

I have been blaming this on two things – lack of discipline to force myself to learn something I lack interest in, and the medications I take for Restless Leg Syndrome.

As the gluten poisoning slowly seeps from my body, I find myself better able to focus – even on computer-related things. This is pretty exciting news. Maybe I’m not getting stupider and ADHD-ier in my middle age; maybe the inflammation of my body (and other associated side effects) from having something toxic to me in my system was impairing my ability to think and remember.

Barbara told me a lot of things would improve as I come out of this mess, and she’s right – per usual. πŸ™‚

I’m able to focus more when I read, feel less generalized anxiety and stress, and am more able to let nuisances go. Yoga helps with this, too. My body is gradually learning that what it feels like to relax in everyday moments.

It’s a damn good thing I’m getting into a little better physical and mental shape now, too, as being with Mom full-time looms in less than a month.

She is so demanding even now, I know it’s going to be a trial. She does not wish to be inconvenienced by this injury in the slightest – she gets very upset by, for example, not having any eggs and not being able to go to the store to get them herself. Last week, I told her I would bring her eggs this weekend, five days hence at that point.

This was not acceptable. It ended up with Mike taking her two dozen on his way into work because she had worked herself into a completely lathered state over… eggs.

I’ve not yet ordered the seeds for this year’s garden – I need to get on that ball, and soon. The house is in complete shambles, and I’m looking forward to having time to clean it up after I am finished with work. My last day at the library will be February 14.

It sounds pretty far distant at this point, because there is so much Mom needs to have me do for her, but I know the time will pass quickly.

And now – to work for the day. Stay warm, internet denizens. It is 11 degrees here, and dropped down to 3 overnight.

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Allergies, Gluten-Free, Health, Mental Well-Being, Mom, Stress , ,

6 responses to Landing


  1. Mel

    We’re supposed to drop to sub-zero tomorrow night, but in the past 6 winters it has never quite managed to break the 0F barrier here, so I’m skeptical.

    I’ve noticed over the last several years that my focus isn’t quite what it used to be. I’m not sure if it’s undiagnosed brain injury from my wreck in ’97, my messed up schedule, chronic Lyme &/or Bartonella infection, or a combination of any and all of the above. ‘Tis frustrating, though, and I keep trying to work toward addressing the factors I can.

    • Erin D.

      I’ll cross my fingers you don’t dip that low. πŸ˜‰ We’re supposed to get down to -11 tonight, in theory – I’m hoping that doesn’t happen. Not sure how I’d even begin to keep the chickens warm out there in that.

      Seems like all of those factors you mention would play a part in having trouble focusing, especially the sleep schedule. I understand your frustration, man. Here’s to finding solutions. πŸ™‚

  2. Glad to hear things are starting to get better for you πŸ™‚ – I know I have trouble focusing sometimes as well, not so much on computers since that is what I went to school for but other things like reading. I tend to just skim the pages instead of actually reading everything, even if it is something important.

    I do hope that everything goes well with your Mom. It is going to be a long road that is for sure. My grandma was in a somewhat similar state of mind for several years. She did not have the same issues as your Mom does but they are comparable.

    Make sure to bundle up outside! Accuweather says it is 9 and feels like three. I find this hard to believe, definitely feels below zero here in Haslett!

    • Erin D.

      Thanks Travis. πŸ™‚ I think it’s normal to not focus on things sometimes, but there’s a point where it becomes seriously inconvenient. The journey with Mom is going to be difficult, I’m sure, but I’m trying to think positively as much as I can (which sometimes isn’t much.)

      I hope Bear is staying warm enough on your walks today. πŸ™‚

  3. Unfortunately, with Bear’s haircut he is not staying very warm. After about 10 minutes today I noticed his whole body was shaking so I picked him up and starting walking back. Like normal, after about three minutes he started fidgeting and wanted to walk again but it is definitely too cold for his haircut!

    • Erin D.

      I kind of wondered if his haircut might have been badly timed – poor little puppers! Although I wouldn’t argue with not having to go for a long walk on a day like today. πŸ˜‰

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